who brought the wet blankie?

we are very un-christmasy this year.  honestly, i think it just sucks but neither one of us has the energy to deal with it this time around.  the thought of having to clean up and put things back to where they belong so that we can move furniture around and then bring in a tree is just too consuming.  where do the gifts go this year?  they sit next to our two super lame stockings on our window sill.  they're also wrapped in kind of a pathetic manner, because i'm having a hard time finding the will to care enough to make them pretty.

this year the holidays have become really stressful for me.  i've reverted back to some really bad habits, like chewing and biting at my cuticles until they bleed for example.  currently, my fingers are in a great deal of throbbing pain but it doesn't stop my anxiety from getting the better of me.  i'm also quite sure that i had two desserts tonight: a big peppermint patty from my candy jar (it was definately too old to be eaten), and a healthy serving of raspberry sorbet.  i tend to eat my feelings...it's not even funny, it's true.  thankfully i know it's happening so i won't let it pile up, i'm pretty determined to stay healthy through the holiday season.  i only have 1 holiday party and 2 happy hours scheduled so far plus 2 christmases.

this season i've found emotions that i didn't even know existed.  it's good in that i've finally found an emotional depth that i've always thought i was somehow lacking, but it's bad in that i don't think that they're fun to deal with all the time.  i've become something of a leaky faucet, and that is just not who i am.

i went to the post office today to mail out a book from one of my amazon sales (still going strong!) and i had to wait forever... ok it was only about 20 minutes, but it was the longest 20 minutes ever.  there were three little kids running around in CIRCLES chasing each other through people waiting in line, slamming down mailboxes, throwing around packing supplies, and SCREAMING!  the mother was obviously annoyed and embarrassed at the situation of being totally unable to control two of the kids while she held one.  She tried to stop them a few times, other customers tried to stop them a few times, and if i had not gotten out of there when i did, i certainly would have stopped them by expressing my deep seeded hatred for unruly children who refuse to behave.  luckily for all parties involved, i got out of there in the nick of time and even remembered to buy some holiday stamps.  the last thing i would have wanted was an unproductive visit to hell.

the one saving grace may be that we just got a PS3.  hopefully this will become a nice healthy outlet for my frustration.*  i really want to get grand theft auto so i can let me inner rebel out, the one that breaks the law and scoffs at the idea of having things like values.  i shouldn't talk badly about a game i haven't even played yet, but i'll let you know how it goes...TBC.

*  obviously a video game system will not cure our inability to celebrate christmas properly, the pain in my fingers, or the overall lack of holiday spirit in these parts...along with any other problem that life encounters.